Time To Be Thankful.

Even though I am losing my job soon I wanted to remind myself that there are still so many things in my life to be thankful for. Some are BIG and some are SMALL but they are all equally great things to cherish. In times of despair I think it's always good to realize what we do have and appreciate the life we have been given. So, here is my list of things I am thankful for (in no real order) just randomly thrown together.




1. Starbucks hot chocolate

2. Being with my family

3. Warm Pie w/ice cream

4. Turkey & Dressing

5. Deviled Eggs

(I think I focus a little too much on FOOD!)

6. My wonderful husband

7. My work family

8. Having extra blankets on COLD nights

9. My precious furbabies

10. Friendships that have lasted a lifetime

11. Mulled cider candles

12. Getting to squeeze and hug everyone's babies

13. Shopping for Christmas gifts

14. Being ABLE to shop for Christmas gifts

15. Purell Hand Sanitizer

16. A warm home

17. Bic ReAction Ball Point Pens (in BLUE)

18. Watching the Wizard of Oz on TV

19. Pretty Sweaters

20. FREEDOM

Love Letter

I don't know where to begin in writing this. I want this to serve as concrete proof of how much I loved you. Before we even met. I have dreamt of you so many times I feel like you are real. There are no words to describe the way I feel about you. I love you so much I will understand if I never get to see you. I know God has a plan. I may not understand it now, but I will. Someday. This is such a crazy and stressful time in my life but, all I can think about is what it would be like to have you here. With me. I know you are there. I can see your face. I can hear your laugh. I just can't touch you. You are the biggest dream I have ever had. I have never wanted anything more in this life. I hope that one day I can tell you all this in person. Face to face. I want to whisper it in your ear or write it in a note when you go away somewhere. I want you to meet us. I want you to know the most wonderful man on earth. You would probably call him Dad. He would be so thrilled to hold you and play with you. He would tell you all kinds of stories and teach you so many things. The biggest thing he would share with you though is his heart. He would live and breathe for you. We know you are resting in the palm of His hand. But, He has to give you to us. We want you here. We pray for you. We always will. We hope He chooses us to be your parents. Until the day that we get to kiss your sweet face just know this; there are no two people in the world that will ever love you as much as we do. We know that the pain we feel now will soon be met with sheer delight. Until then....

Love,

Mom & Dad

As of yet,

We've not met,

But I'm here,

Waiting,

Always,

For You.

Blessings for Kelly

As part of Kelly's Bloggy Baby Shower, hosted on Jenna's blog, I thought I would share what a blessing Kelly has been to me during my struggle with infertility. I stumbled upon Kelly's blog totally by accident one day while looking for a recipe. I began reading her posts and I felt like I could have written some of them myself. But there was a difference, she had a different way of looking at things than I had at the time. There were times that I just wanted to give up, I was ANGRY at God, and I just couldn't understand why MY prayers weren't being answered. Could He not hear me? Was I not obedient enough? Why was this happening to ME? But, I soon learned that it wasn't just me. Here was Kelly, an obedient servant of God, still waiting. But she always remained FAITHFUL. I felt so ridiculous thinking the things I was thinking when here was a beautiful, loving, (as close to perfect as you can get without it being sickening) Ha! woman who deserved this as much, if not more, than I did. But she wasn't complaining. She was willing to wait in His time. Then, a few posts later there was the news.....I'M PREGNANT! I wanted to jump up and down with joy! All of her patience had paid off. She now had a sweet little miracle to look forward to, and, so did I. She renewed in me the faith I had lost. It was in that moment that I felt like I received a miracle too. I let the Lord back into my life. I was ready to TRUST in HIM. Kelly gave me that gift. How can you ever thank someone enough for that??? I wrote to Kelly and explained my story to her. It was like writing to an old friend that had been such an inspiration in your life. Then, in her reply she thanked me! What? I have never encountered someone as sweet as Kelly. She is so blessed and she is always thankful for the blessings she receives. Most importantly though, she deserves it ALL. I know Kelly is so ready to see her dream realized in the eyes of her sweet baby girl, and although I can't give any real parenting "advice", I can tell you this Kelly, teach Harper to love the Lord the way you have. Let her know just how wanted and dreamt of she was. If she turns out to be 1/10 the woman you are then you have done your job well. She will soon know just how blessed SHE is to have YOU as her Mama. Congratulations Kelly! I cannot wait for you to get to hold your sweet angel in your arms.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

Psalm 139:14

Bad News.

After almost six years with my employer I got the news today that more than likely, in early February, I along with several thousands other people will be unemployed. This has been on our horizon for some time now but it was just something that none of us wanted to really believe. Those of us here at our facility are more family than co-workers. We have always worked well together and have come to know each other very well over the years. Not only is this an uncertain financial issue for our family, but I know there are so many others that this will impact in such a negative way. Please pray for all of us as we are forced out into a scary job market, with so little jobs to go around. I know our company is just one of many that have been affected by the economy and I am sure we won't be the last. This is such a trying time in our country and I feel blessed to have been given the opportunity to do a job I loved with people I loved for so many years.

Just a little update on how things are going....first of all I want to thank everyone for their prayers and sweet comments about my Mom. We went to a neurologist last week and it his oppinion that she does NOT have Alzheimer's! Praise the Lord! He seems to think she had an episode of "Transient Global Amnesia" and that it was more than likely a one time incident. Her spirits have lifted quite a bit and so have mine! Even though I was telling myself I could handle whatever happened I am so glad we won't be facing such a devastating thing as Alzheimer's. I REALLY do appreciate everyone that reached out to us and offered support. Thank You!

Now on to more exciting things...we are still actively trying for our "miracle" and I am going back to see the fertility specialist next week to discuss IUI. This is the most "affordable" option for us right now and the least invasive. Has anyone had any experience (good or bad)with this that you would be willing to share? I can use all the advice I can get!

Things are really crazy for me at work right now, we are going through a transition and so many people are worried about the future of our company. I am trying to take it all in stride and not worry, but anyone who knows me knows I WORRY. I just pray that things will work out and that this economy of ours will pickup soon! Lord knows we need some change!

Have a great weekend everyone!

Response to Anonymous:My Mother takes Pravachol (Pravastatin)-she has been on it for a little over a year now (she had an MI last August) Are there some links to these drugs and TGA??

Amanda-we went to see Dr. Gibson @ Northgate Neurology, thanks so much for your sweet words!

I wish I could take it all away...

As stated in my last post my Mother was diagnosed last week with Alzheimer's disease. We have been told she is in the early stages and was prescribed a medication to help slow the progression of the disease. I know this is not exactly the kind of thing people like to read on blogs, but I feel like this is an outlet for me to let go of some things that have really been bothering me. This is in no way intended to reflect negatively on my Mother. I love her more than life itself, despite our past or anything that has ever happened between us. With that said, she has always for as long as I can remember been a pessimistic person. Things have always been doom and gloom from her perspective. I think a lot of that stems from the abuse and mistreatment she suffered at the hands of her own parents. She has never been able to let those things go. Instead of carrying the scars of her past with her she has enabled them to become open wounds that are literally eating her alive every day. With this recent diagnosis she has really reached new lows of disparity. She is extremely depressed and at this point has driven me to tears several times. I am trying to understand and sympathize with her feelings, but I just don't understand the NEGATIVITY. She has asked me several times, "Well, what if it was you?" and I have really pondered that question a lot lately. I know that you can never really predict how you are going to react in a situation that you have never been faced with but I can tell you this. I would be thankful for what I still had. A family that not only loved me, but was willing and ready to tackle this head-on with me, and most importantly a God that is willing to carry these burdens for me. She has lost this somehow and I just feel like she is so empty inside. I want to help her. I want to make all this go away. But I am not humanly capable of taking this all away. And it's killing me. I know this may sound selfish of me but I cannot handle the emotional burden that she is placing on me with her negative thoughts and words. I have been praying and praying for God to give me some kind of wisdom or thought process to help me deal with this. I know we can and WILL handle the disease, but her heart I'm not so sure I can fix.

Prayer Needed!

We got some really scary news today in my family. My Mother was diagnosed with early onset alzheimer's disease with dimentia. She has been prescribed something I have never heard of called the Exelon Patch. It is supposed to slow the progression of the disease or keep it from getting worse.The doctor also advised it would be a good idea for her to retire. Tomorrow is her 62nd birthday and she has been a nurse for almost 30 years. Her work is her life. This is such a scary time for her I'm sure, but also for our family. Please pray for us.